She's a little different from the last time I posted about her. She's peaceable with me, and is trying to keep our relationship on a positive note. She's not disrespectful, although she can still have a mouth. But on the whole, she's a lot better. Jehovah has helped me to understand her a lot better, but that doesn't mean that I like it.
She wants to move, but doesn't want to lose contact with me. It's important to her that she not lose me. Which is fine and dandy. But it still hurts that she's changed to be the person she is now. I've done everything I can to persuade her that moving away is not the answer. That we love her, and let's get back to the three musketeers we used to be. But she's not the same person anymore. Like I said before, the daughter I raised, died. The one that stands before me is a totally different person; A person I don't like. The one before her died, and she's never coming back. I cry almost everyday for my lost. My daughter is dead, and there's nothing I can do about it. She's never coming back. I'm trying to deal with this one, but it's not easy. I don't trust her. She says she's just going away for a while, and she'll be back, and we'll all get a house together--I don't believe her; She's deceitful, and I can't trust her.
I don't believe her when she says that she hasn't left Jehovah. If you can barely go to the meetings, but can go anywhere else you want; if it doesn't bother you that you aren't doing His will, and is making no efforts to correct that by getting back out in the service, even for five minutes at a time, or write letters to start off; if you won't call the elders for help to get back to Jehovah, then you've left Him. You just don't want to admit it. I'm so disappointed in her. All she thinks about is herself. She keeps herself separate from me and her sister mentally--we can only get so close. She can't explain why she wants to leave. Well, if you can't explain it, you must be up to no good.
A lot of it has to do with our relationship, but I truly believe that just as much of it has to do with that wordly guy and her distress over not being able to be with him. Nothing in this world should cause you to fall spiritually weak and risk your relationship with Jehovah (Nothing or no one) No man is worth it, and she'll learn that lesson. If you allow someone whom Jehovah does not approve of cause you to slack in your service to Him, then you deserve what you get. I'm going to help her as much as I can, but it's really up to her, isn't it? She wants to move to another area. I think it's because she won't be pressured into going to the meetings. And also, so she can do what she wants as regards this wordly guy without anyone seeing her. That's why she doesn't want to stay in the complex we're moving to, or in this one. Other people know her, and she's afraid they will see her doing what she really knows is wrong. That's what this is all about.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
IN MY PLACE
How do I begin? I thought the moment I left my old life behind, things would be better for me. I could move on with some simblence of happiness--wishful thinking! Better yet, hoping and praying that it would be. I said goodbye in my last post thinking I would never have to come back--I was wrong. My oldest daughter (once the best daughter in the world) fell for the charms of a wordly man at her school. All the years of spiritual training that Jehovah gave her, all the training that I gave her, especially concerning wordly men, just flew right out the window. Didn't mean a thing when it finally came down to maintaining her integrity.
She changed from the most spiritually, loving, warm, thoughtful, loyal daughter to a spiritually weak, disrespectful, mean, unloyal, cold-hearted person who thinks of only herself. It's like I lost a child in death. The daughter I knew and raised, died, and this one replaced her. And I grieve almost everyday because I don't think she's ever coming back--This change seems so permanent. During the downfall of all of this, something inside her snapped open, and mentally she's not the same. I think something is wrong with her mentally now. Of course, she blames everybody, especially me, for her change instead of owning up and taking responsibility for herself.
Before she fell into satan's snare, she and I had a bond like no other mother and daughter. Our relationship went beyond that of even a husband and wife. She would have rather cut her arms off than disrespect me in any way. The thought of leaving me would have killed her. Now, we're not close anymore and never will be. Although the stress of it all has turned her around some to where she wants to be peaceable with us, and the disrespectful tantrums are gone, there's still a lot missing. She still keeps herself emotionally separate. And while she wants to help me and take care of me, she still wants to leave me, move away, and she can't explain why. She just needs to leave and be on her own. The days of "I'll never leave you--"Wherever you go, there I will go also"--"You and me together forever"--are gone, and it's ripping my heart out. I will never have my old daughter back (she's dead) And now, all I can do is grieve--alone.
She changed from the most spiritually, loving, warm, thoughtful, loyal daughter to a spiritually weak, disrespectful, mean, unloyal, cold-hearted person who thinks of only herself. It's like I lost a child in death. The daughter I knew and raised, died, and this one replaced her. And I grieve almost everyday because I don't think she's ever coming back--This change seems so permanent. During the downfall of all of this, something inside her snapped open, and mentally she's not the same. I think something is wrong with her mentally now. Of course, she blames everybody, especially me, for her change instead of owning up and taking responsibility for herself.
Before she fell into satan's snare, she and I had a bond like no other mother and daughter. Our relationship went beyond that of even a husband and wife. She would have rather cut her arms off than disrespect me in any way. The thought of leaving me would have killed her. Now, we're not close anymore and never will be. Although the stress of it all has turned her around some to where she wants to be peaceable with us, and the disrespectful tantrums are gone, there's still a lot missing. She still keeps herself emotionally separate. And while she wants to help me and take care of me, she still wants to leave me, move away, and she can't explain why. She just needs to leave and be on her own. The days of "I'll never leave you--"Wherever you go, there I will go also"--"You and me together forever"--are gone, and it's ripping my heart out. I will never have my old daughter back (she's dead) And now, all I can do is grieve--alone.
Monday, March 29, 2010
DON'T YOU EVER FOR A MOMENT...
Well, it's been five months since I got my freedom, and I've never been happier. For the first time in my life, I have peace in my own household--Free of my biological mother's abuse, and free of his. My daughters and I have changed our names to my maiden name. We are no longer connected to the past. It feels so good to sign or say my last name and know it's really legally me. There are times I wish I could have fought in court, but I was an emotional wreck. Besides, there was no need, Jehovah took care of us. I'm free and that's all that matters. I can come and go when I want; no worrying if he's going to see, or hear me. I feel safe; no looking over my shoulders. My daughters are happy and moving forward. Thank you, Jehovah.
Jehovah is providing well for us; He always has. But this incident has taught me how I needed to improve in that area. He always comes through, even when you're destitute and down to $17.00 in the bank. Because of Him, we are able to pay for an apartment every month, and buy all the necessities we had to do without for years. All this while my oldest daughter is still in school, and my youngest is working at a low-paying job.
I'll be glad when I won't have to do this back and forth signing papers and having to pay the lawyer every time this happens. But it's over; I'm free of him, and boy am I so glad, happy, thankful...you name it! I'll never have to look at him in his evil, ugly face on a daily basis, and hope I never will; never will he be able to dominate or abuse me ever again. I've got a new life, and looking forward. And no longer will I have to deal with the two that turned their backs on their sisters and me. As far as I'm concerned, they're dead. I never had sons; But I do have two of the best daughters any mother could dream of.
The purpose of this blog was to record my experience through this entire legal separation process. And now that's it's over, you know what it entailed, what my daughters and I went through. Was it all worth it? Without a doubt! Would I go through this again knowing what it would do to us emotionally? Without thinking twice! Even though I was broken, Jehovah got me through it; Got us through it. And now it's time to go forward. To concentrate more on doing what Jehovah asks of us the best that we can. And hopefully, see the day His kingdom ends this wicked, immoral system and begins governing His people with peace and righteousness forever. Tomorrow we celebrate the death of His son whose life made this a certainty. May you too be a part of that glorious future one day. Goodbye...
Jehovah is providing well for us; He always has. But this incident has taught me how I needed to improve in that area. He always comes through, even when you're destitute and down to $17.00 in the bank. Because of Him, we are able to pay for an apartment every month, and buy all the necessities we had to do without for years. All this while my oldest daughter is still in school, and my youngest is working at a low-paying job.
I'll be glad when I won't have to do this back and forth signing papers and having to pay the lawyer every time this happens. But it's over; I'm free of him, and boy am I so glad, happy, thankful...you name it! I'll never have to look at him in his evil, ugly face on a daily basis, and hope I never will; never will he be able to dominate or abuse me ever again. I've got a new life, and looking forward. And no longer will I have to deal with the two that turned their backs on their sisters and me. As far as I'm concerned, they're dead. I never had sons; But I do have two of the best daughters any mother could dream of.
The purpose of this blog was to record my experience through this entire legal separation process. And now that's it's over, you know what it entailed, what my daughters and I went through. Was it all worth it? Without a doubt! Would I go through this again knowing what it would do to us emotionally? Without thinking twice! Even though I was broken, Jehovah got me through it; Got us through it. And now it's time to go forward. To concentrate more on doing what Jehovah asks of us the best that we can. And hopefully, see the day His kingdom ends this wicked, immoral system and begins governing His people with peace and righteousness forever. Tomorrow we celebrate the death of His son whose life made this a certainty. May you too be a part of that glorious future one day. Goodbye...
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I'M JUST FINE!!!
Well, it's been over a year and a half since I had him served. It's been very stressful, but finally things are coming to a close. For one thing, I got a better lawyer who has my best interest in mind; right now she's negoiating with his lawyer to come to a reasonable settlement so we can stay out of court. So, there should be no reason we should go to court unless he just wants to beat his chest and vent his rage about how worthless I was as a wife and don't deserve anything. We'll see what happens.
He has the nerve to say that I stand outside his bedroom door every night and harass him. Can you believe it? He first accused me of waiting for him to get home and yelling as soon as he comes through the door that "I'm going to kill myself! I'm going to kill myself!" Now, I'm harassing him outside his bedroom door. Which is it?! I know what he's doing. He's saying this so he can carry out his plans to kill me and then cry self defense. I can't believe the extent he's going to just to get back at me and see me dead. But I'm putting my trust in Jehovah: I pray to Jehovah that this man doesn't get away with his muderous plot. That my daughters and I will be able to get as far away from this muderer as possible and never have to deal with him again. I pray to Jehovah that He doesn't allow this man to cause anymore destruction than he already has for 35 years; that his lies, his deceit, his murderous plans, the horrible things he's done in the past and continues to do now will be exposed for all to see. I mean he goes to the Kingdom Hall every week and learns about peace, goodness, and always being truthful, then he comes home and carries on the traits of his father, satan.
He's a gutless coward, and I can't wait to get away from him. I've been waiting for this moment all my married life, and it's just days away. If we go to trial, it'll be tuesday Oct.13, next week. I hope we don't, but if we do, one way or another, I'll finally be free of him. Thank Jehovah God Almighty!
At first when this started, I was stressed out; my poor daughters were stressed even more. But reliance on Jehovah has helped us to calm down and see this through with courage and strength. We're okay now. And we know Jehovah will see us through this with continued courage and strength. Thanks to Jehovah, we're going to be just fine!
He has the nerve to say that I stand outside his bedroom door every night and harass him. Can you believe it? He first accused me of waiting for him to get home and yelling as soon as he comes through the door that "I'm going to kill myself! I'm going to kill myself!" Now, I'm harassing him outside his bedroom door. Which is it?! I know what he's doing. He's saying this so he can carry out his plans to kill me and then cry self defense. I can't believe the extent he's going to just to get back at me and see me dead. But I'm putting my trust in Jehovah: I pray to Jehovah that this man doesn't get away with his muderous plot. That my daughters and I will be able to get as far away from this muderer as possible and never have to deal with him again. I pray to Jehovah that He doesn't allow this man to cause anymore destruction than he already has for 35 years; that his lies, his deceit, his murderous plans, the horrible things he's done in the past and continues to do now will be exposed for all to see. I mean he goes to the Kingdom Hall every week and learns about peace, goodness, and always being truthful, then he comes home and carries on the traits of his father, satan.
He's a gutless coward, and I can't wait to get away from him. I've been waiting for this moment all my married life, and it's just days away. If we go to trial, it'll be tuesday Oct.13, next week. I hope we don't, but if we do, one way or another, I'll finally be free of him. Thank Jehovah God Almighty!
At first when this started, I was stressed out; my poor daughters were stressed even more. But reliance on Jehovah has helped us to calm down and see this through with courage and strength. We're okay now. And we know Jehovah will see us through this with continued courage and strength. Thanks to Jehovah, we're going to be just fine!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I'm Just Fine!
So, after that mediation debacle, my daughters and I have decided to start new, preferably in another state (hopefully California) I thought about it through and through: The stress of going to court to fight for what I deserve, putting my daughters through the stress, the continuous fighting, etc.. is just not worth it. If this house was like my old home, then I would go to court to fight for it. But this house is a piece of crap. The floors are buckling, all the windows need replacing (all the windows and doors have been taped to keep the constant barrage of insects and air from coming in) the carpet is filthy, the entire house inside and out needs a major makeover. No, this house is not worth stressing out over by having to go to court. So, I'm going to take the buyout and my daughters and I are going to buy one of our own. I know he thinks that he would have won by getting this house, but all he's getting is a wreck. Not to mention kids playing basketball in the court which takes away from the peace, and the Habitat for Humanity houses that are going to replace the nice forest in the back. He can have it!
I went to see another lawyer two weeks ago. Boy, was she a breath of fresh air. As soon as I can raise the money, I'm going to hire her. She was so enlightening, so knowledgeable. She took the lead and told me what she would do for me. I feel comfortable that she can stand up to the "Black Nazi's" lawyer and fight for me. Not like my current lawyer, who expects me to come up with a plan, to settle for living next door, to her exact words, "dirty mexicans", shows up late for meetings, or not show up at all, sits there without a clue, and tells me basically I'm kind of screwed. I'm short on time, so until then...
I went to see another lawyer two weeks ago. Boy, was she a breath of fresh air. As soon as I can raise the money, I'm going to hire her. She was so enlightening, so knowledgeable. She took the lead and told me what she would do for me. I feel comfortable that she can stand up to the "Black Nazi's" lawyer and fight for me. Not like my current lawyer, who expects me to come up with a plan, to settle for living next door, to her exact words, "dirty mexicans", shows up late for meetings, or not show up at all, sits there without a clue, and tells me basically I'm kind of screwed. I'm short on time, so until then...
Thursday, March 19, 2009
He's gonna start a fight!
So, we went to mediation. And guess what? It was a total waste of my time; that's two hours and $275 I'll never get back. What a debacle!! I don't know how he did it, but he had that mediator eating out of his hands: "he's just a maintenance man", "he doesn't make that much", "he had insurance until you went ballistic and canceled it", "listen, you started this ball rolling, this is reality", "he's done" (She tried to scare me into taking his piddly offer of a $12,000 buy out on the house, and $400 a month spousal support) Give me a break!!
He's done?!! I've been done, you overly-hair-dyed-old-hag. I wish I could have put her in her place, but I was so emotional and concentrating on the thought of losing the house and my life as I know it, that I couldn't think straight. Now I know better. Too bad we can't redo it, she'd get her nastiness handed back to her with a shot of you-know-where-to-stick-it to boot. I really regret that I wasn't stronger; but you live and you learn.
I'm seriously thinking about getting another lawyer. Everytime I talk to Ms. Tek, it's not reassuring. She doesn't have a clue about what's in my best interest; she has no strategy. She wants me to make plans, but what are hers? He has a cut-throat lawyer standing up for his best interest, but all she can say is: "try to find a job so they won't stand up in court and say you're lazy and lie around the house all day", "are you looking for work?" Why in the hell should I struggle looking for work when I worked hard all my life; put just as much sweat and tears into this life as he did!! I'm entitled to half of everything. If I go out and get a job, that would mean that he doesn't have to pay as much alimony; And I refuse to make it that easy for him. He's going to pay as much as I can get out of him.
My daughters and I are thinking seriously about our plans, whether or not to fight for the house, or find our own place in another state and start over. We really have a lot of thinking to do. Right now, I don't know what to do. I have an appointment with another lawyer next week. Hopefully, she's what I'm looking for and can afford.
Until next time...
He's done?!! I've been done, you overly-hair-dyed-old-hag. I wish I could have put her in her place, but I was so emotional and concentrating on the thought of losing the house and my life as I know it, that I couldn't think straight. Now I know better. Too bad we can't redo it, she'd get her nastiness handed back to her with a shot of you-know-where-to-stick-it to boot. I really regret that I wasn't stronger; but you live and you learn.
I'm seriously thinking about getting another lawyer. Everytime I talk to Ms. Tek, it's not reassuring. She doesn't have a clue about what's in my best interest; she has no strategy. She wants me to make plans, but what are hers? He has a cut-throat lawyer standing up for his best interest, but all she can say is: "try to find a job so they won't stand up in court and say you're lazy and lie around the house all day", "are you looking for work?" Why in the hell should I struggle looking for work when I worked hard all my life; put just as much sweat and tears into this life as he did!! I'm entitled to half of everything. If I go out and get a job, that would mean that he doesn't have to pay as much alimony; And I refuse to make it that easy for him. He's going to pay as much as I can get out of him.
My daughters and I are thinking seriously about our plans, whether or not to fight for the house, or find our own place in another state and start over. We really have a lot of thinking to do. Right now, I don't know what to do. I have an appointment with another lawyer next week. Hopefully, she's what I'm looking for and can afford.
Until next time...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
And Guess What!!!
So, I had already made an appointment with another lawyer, when I got an email from my current one saying she had filed two motions in my behalf. It seems that she had been trying to get the "Black Nazi's" lawyer to get him to turn in the discovery papers and set up a time for mediation, but they would never get back in touch with her. So, she went to court and filed motions to compel. His lawyer sent him the motion papers in the mail, but he hasn't checked the mailbox yet. The court proceeding is Feb. 20th. (I'm so glad I don't have to appear) I hope this time I get the victory, and he doesn't walk out of court with more money in his pocket! Believe me, it could happen! So, it seems she's working in my behalf after all, and I guess I'll stay with her.
I'm so livid right now, it'll probably last way into next week. We're destitute: No jobs, no money in the bank, barely able to buy food and gas. And if we need anything else, like clothes and shoes, well too bad. I can't afford to buy meat (I've forgotten what chicken, hamburger, or even fish taste like) What does a twelve inch Sub taste like anymore? We keep getting job offers we can't take for religious reasons. On top of that, I have to deal with this Nazi's murderous attitude. He's stalling and dodging this case because he can't bear to part with half of his money, and other possessions; Things that I worked just as hard for, and am entitled to whether he, or any man, agrees with it or not. So, what is their usual solution? Take out insurance and have their wives killed so they won't have to lose or pay out anything.
I'm extremely angry because we keep begging and begging Jehovah for a decent job we can take, and yet we keep getting the ones we can't possibly work at. Everytime, we get our hopes up when the phone rings, then it's like the rug gets snatched right out from under us because it's a dead end. Like today: A job offer we couldn't accept. Surprise! Didn't see that coming! What now? How in the world am I going to pay our bills next month, and come up with the money to get our car tags that are due? Do you hear that, Jehovah? Do you think you can send us jobs we CAN take? Now there's a thought. I don't know, maybe it's me. After all, I am only human. Humans wouldn't send someone a job they couldn't accept over and over; We'd give them one they could. It sounds simple, right? But Jehovah takes something that we need desperately, and turns it into an extremely complex stressful ordeal. Dear God, what are you waiting on!!!
I'm done!!
I'm so livid right now, it'll probably last way into next week. We're destitute: No jobs, no money in the bank, barely able to buy food and gas. And if we need anything else, like clothes and shoes, well too bad. I can't afford to buy meat (I've forgotten what chicken, hamburger, or even fish taste like) What does a twelve inch Sub taste like anymore? We keep getting job offers we can't take for religious reasons. On top of that, I have to deal with this Nazi's murderous attitude. He's stalling and dodging this case because he can't bear to part with half of his money, and other possessions; Things that I worked just as hard for, and am entitled to whether he, or any man, agrees with it or not. So, what is their usual solution? Take out insurance and have their wives killed so they won't have to lose or pay out anything.
I'm extremely angry because we keep begging and begging Jehovah for a decent job we can take, and yet we keep getting the ones we can't possibly work at. Everytime, we get our hopes up when the phone rings, then it's like the rug gets snatched right out from under us because it's a dead end. Like today: A job offer we couldn't accept. Surprise! Didn't see that coming! What now? How in the world am I going to pay our bills next month, and come up with the money to get our car tags that are due? Do you hear that, Jehovah? Do you think you can send us jobs we CAN take? Now there's a thought. I don't know, maybe it's me. After all, I am only human. Humans wouldn't send someone a job they couldn't accept over and over; We'd give them one they could. It sounds simple, right? But Jehovah takes something that we need desperately, and turns it into an extremely complex stressful ordeal. Dear God, what are you waiting on!!!
I'm done!!
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