I'm All right!

I'm trying to express what I'm going through emotionally at this time. Number one, it's all overwhelming. On the one hand, I'm so elated that I finally took steps to get him out of my life. That for the first time in my life, I won't have to live in an abusive household. I'll be free! Then on the other hand, I'm stressed, mad, discouraged, tired (so very tired), and getting more impatient as time goes on. My daughters are looking for jobs, especially my oldest, but it's so hard. The only ones that are open are the ones she can't take because of religious reasons. Why do we keep getting those? We pray and pray for Jehovah to please bless our efforts to find a job, but it seems like we're getting nowhere--it's depressing. We have a few hundred dollars left in our bank account, and we're desperate. After this month, I don't know what we're going to do.

In order to get him out of the house, we need to be able to pay for everything. It makes you wonder: where is Jehovah? What is He waiting for? Doesn't He see how desperate a situation we're in? Been in for months? Does He even care? What is He waiting on? Sometimes I get so angry. Trying to get Jehovah to act before your last dollar runs out is like waiting for a big slab of granite to move; And it's frustrating! We need jobs, and we need them now. I wish I didn't have to ask Jehovah for help at times, that way I wouldn't get stressed and frustrated. I just want to get on with my life. Why won't Jehovah let me?

You see, this is how I'm feeling right now. And I shouldn't have to feel this way. I should feel that indeed Jehovah does care for me; that He is concerned about my situation. But I don't. I'm afraid of what's going to happen. Will we be comforted by Jehovah's decision concerning our lives (decent jobs before our money runs out) Or will it be just another difficult problem to deal with (no money to pay our bills, losing the house and having to move to a low income area) and still be expected to carry on as if it doesn't hurt? It's like no one even notices your pain, nor care.

We'll see...